Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Learning to Give up is one of the most toughest task in life ♥ 1:24 AM
The end of a story.....
I am with her for 3 months... This three months made me realise that she had stood firmly in my heart.. Her parents were wonderful as they really treat me as a part of their family. Everything had gone smoothly but too bad this had to end...
During the first month, She told me she liked a particular guy very much. I felt quite sad at the beginning... But she assure me that she would forget the guy. Initially she was someone who does not care about people feelings. But she changed because of me. She turned into a girl that will care for other people. She smoked at the beginning. But later she quit. I wonder is it because of me...
One thing she really touch my heart...
Everynight we would chat, but i always could not accompany her for long as i need to sleep early because of the the tough training i had to face the next day. She began to say things to agitate me. I was wondering why she did that and we often end up in quarrel. Her brother told me the reason why she did that is because she wanna talk to me longer. I realise i had wronged her...
During my live firing, i told her i will not be back to camp till late night. I told her that i cannot call her. But she say no matter how late, she would wait for me...
i remember it was 4 am when i reach camp from the live firing. I decide to message her...
She replied and we chat on the phone once again. At that moment i felt i really miss her.
During the next day her mum called me and said that my girlfriend was not feeling well. She can't get up from the bed. The doctor said her white blood cells were more than her red blood cells.. She could leave me anytime as her life wss hanging in the balance. Her mum also told me that because she wanna wait for my call, she refuse to take a wink... I felt my eyes became weary, tears are circling my pupils... I am really touched...
Tears that makes me wonder...
During our second month, She told me about the guy she loved very much again. She told me they guy really attract her a lot. I felt kinda sour when i heard it. She even told me the intimate moments we spend with that guy. And she will always talk till big drop of tears came rolling down her eyes. I consoled her... I thought she weep because of me and i was wrong... She never weep for me before. All the tears is for that guy... I felt really sad...
When i am in the camp, she told me she wanna find the guy. I can tell she really miss him... I encourage her to find him as he was working in a particular shop. After hours of talking to her, she finally decide to meet him... My heart seems to bleed.......
I decide to leave her, but she said the guy will not accept her. When i heard her words, i find that she was treating me like float that can save her in the stormy waves. I told her i find it hard to accept someone that loves somebody else...
In the end she assured me once again and said that she would not mention about him anymore. Although i knew she still thinks of him, i had to accept it because i really loved her a lot....
The final part of a story that should not had began...
These 3 months with her, my friends around me said i had changed.. I had lost my shine. I seem to succumb in a place full of stress and sorrow. I seldom laugh, in fact i felt i had lost my smile because i am stressed about this relationship most of the time...
Everytime i booked out, i really wanna meet her. But everytime i meet her, she had to go very fast. I felt everything had change. She would always accompany me for quite some time. But everyweek her feelings towards me had turn colder and colder. Everytime i message her, she will take a very long time to reply me back. It had never been like that in the past. I ask her the reason and everytime her answer will be " cause u r busy" and " don't think too much"...
I realise we are drifting apart...
My 1 week holiday finally came and i thought this could be the best time for us to be together...
She appears very cold toward me, this is out of my imagination... The time we spend together are even lesser. I told her about our time spend together is not enough and she said that i am selffish... we talk over on the phone and i lost my cool because she seemed not to care about anything. Why everything turned out this way....
I meet her out yesterday and we i try to hold her hands, she kept shunning me. This had got to far, I simply could not believe she was my sweet beloved girlfriend i had known... We talk for an hour and she said she wanna go home. I sent her home and when i wanna give her a goodbye hug, she pushed me away... That push made me wake up....
I meet her out today together with my friend and her brother. We pass by the shop the guy was working in. I took her hands and encourage her to find the guy. She refuse but she ran to one corner just to catch a glismpe of that guy. It was a very long glismpe. I could see love in her eyes... I accompany her to grab a bite and i told her this could be our last meeting. I told her i could not be her boyfriend anymore. She ask me why and i lie to her saying that i do not love her anymore... She just nod and continue eating her noodles... I felt shattered........
We went to the arcade and play few games of pool together with her brother and my friend. She appears to be very normal. But i appear to be very quiet... After the game her brother and me decide to go home. Suddenly she said she wanna go a place and she just went off. It was the same floor that the guy is working. Although i did not saw where she is going, but i guess she went to the shop that the guy is working...
I am very sad now... I keep control my fingers from pressing the phone number. In the end i message her brother and beg him to take good care of his sister. I also ask him to help me say sorry to his mother...
Some things are never meant to be.........
Yearn to fly.....................
